The Dangers of Playing the Myspace Lottery.

Social Networking is everywhere on the 'net. You can't get away from it. I bet you can't think of one person you know 15 - 30 that doesn't have a Myspace, Facebook, etc...

I am one such person, and I use it for evil.

Well, not really. I'm pretty honest about who I am, and what I like on my pages. (I'm a nerdy asshole that probably won’t give you the time of day.) And yet, without fail at least once a week I get messages from girls I have never met before telling me things like:

"You seem interesting"
"OMG! My cat looks like yours"
"Hey! You like music! So do I! We should get a drink!"

Sometimes I reply (re: if the girl is attractive) more often I don't. Last week, I received a message from a semi attractive girl, who just happened to live near by.

"Hello"

I figured what the hell, at worst I'll talk to her once, at best I'll fuck her a few times and never talk to her again.
The second message she sent was " My day is pretty bland, I go to work, come home, make dinner, watch porn, masturbate and go to sleep." So, obviously I was going to talk to her.

We talked for a few days; she seemed kinda boring and uninteresting (y'know, other than the porn/masturbating). She had just moved here, hates it, and is planning her move back to California. Then, she told me about how her flickr account was just pictures of her in her underwear/naked. I took her hint, and told her she was lying. Immediately she sent me the link to her account, she was telling the truth.

Somehow it came up that I like to cook, and she likes to bake. I suggested she come over one night and I'll cook dinner, she'd bake dessert. She accepted and we set a date. Now, as the three people that read this blog already know, this is a typical Sack date. Girl comes over, I cook dinner, we fuck, girl leaves, and I go to bed never to speak to them again.

The night comes around and I start dinner, she's supposed to call or IM when she wants to come over. The time passes, and around 11pm she shoots me an instant message.

"OMG, I'm so sorry. I smoked too much and forgot!"

(I have no tolerance for potheads, btw)

Me: "It's cool. My plan was to have dinner, fuck you, and never talk to you again depending on how good/bad you were in bed."

She said: "what makes you think I would fuck you"

I replied: " 1. One of the first things you said to me is that you watch porn and masturbate 2. You showed me half naked pictures of yourself 3. You’re obviously lonely, vulnerable, and you have low self-esteem. I would have taken advantage of that, and charmed your pants off."

Her: "fuck you"

Me: "a bit late for that, don'tcha think?


So, what did I learn from all of this?

Absolutely Nothing. I may change my profiles to look like I'm a nice, caring, sensitive guy. Girls hate that shit.

How Dumb are Girls? A quick recap.

And Sack i’m sure can attest as well, girls are very dumb.

This has recently been brought to my attention when one of my friends recently got shit canned by his girlfriend of a decent period of time.  I am not going to go into much detail about said relationship because it is a waste of me typing and the one other person who reads this blogs time.  Basically she got bored/upset(most likely her period) and moved out when they couldn't agree on a place to live.

Now I am semi friends with the girl and of course she wants to talk to me about some of her boring life problems and period acting.  I would rather take the cyanide tablet that is hidden behind my last molar on the right side.

After talking to her for a bit and realizing how fucking batnuts crazy she is just like every other girl I wanted to touch up on some massive points that stand out to me.  Sack also has a great description about some of these things some posts down.

1.Ignore them.  They cannot deal with being ignored, it drives them up a wall and if you want a girl to notice you or want you around, ignore them.

2.Be a dick.  Yes I am sure you have all heard this before but how many times do you find yourself or one of your good friends being turned down or not called back after seeing a girl for a date or two?  This really works.  Girls like to work for something, and when you are a dick to them they deep down want to please you and make you not a dick, but do not bend to this trickery.

3. Find something better to do.  Do not ever go out with them if they ask you to do something.  If they ask you to go to the movies and dinner, tell them you will see if you have time.  Then don’t call them.  Wake up sometime in the next few days and say that something else came up, but be vague because then they will become more interested what is more important than they are.  Which is what?  Everything, thats right.

4.Ignore them.  I cannot fucking stress this enough.  It makes them crazy like rabid cats in heat that just got punted in the cunt.

If you follow these basic rules you will find yourself loaded with girls and they will be ready to fuck you trust me.  Or in my friends ship, she will come back after he has ignored her and showed her she is not important.

Random Subway musings

The Subway is an amusing place. Tonight on the way home I witnessed something that not only astounded me, but made me violently ill.

I saw a 30 something year old woman wearing an "I love Captain Jack Sparrow" backpack. It was clearly made for a 5 year old. Full of sparkles, and awful colors.

If you are over the age of 9 and have one of these..... kill yourself. You're an embarrassment to the human race.

The Dating Game

Dating is a game, very similar to a video game. There's different levels, extra lives, bonus rounds and bad guys. I think at this point I'm on my 37th life.

Since I've moved to NYC I've gone on around 15 first dates. Some have been annoying, some have been tolerable, and other was fucking hose beasts that I didn't recall what they looked like because I was shitty drunk when I talked to them. (A surprisingly large number of them have been Jewish)

So I've narrowed it down a bit.

In the running we have:

1. The quiet one - She doesn't talk much, kinda reserved, but once she opens up we have a blast. She might be moving soon, so I'm trying not to get too close. (Which means of course that's exactly what's going to happen)

2. Jew Camp - Who has talked to me non-stop since the day we met, but is still cute.
I just broke my no phone rule with her, and that frightens me.

3. Super Jew - a girl who reinforces every single Jewish stereotype you've ever heard.
(Seriously, she keeps her change in individual containers, and then hand rolls them and brings them to the bank. "Because coin star charges you 8 cents for every 1 dollar") She's really not in the running, just a fall back girl since I know she's not going anywhere.


Now I'm just waiting to see how it all plays out...

Before I forget....

The Dark Knight was better than Iron Man.

I don't need to write a review, you've already seen it twice.

Hulk

was much better than the previous one, but not as good as Iron Man.


Go see both.

The Phone 2.0, or Older Chicks are Aggressive

I don't hate talking on the phone, I just want to make that clear.
I hate talking to girls on the phone.
Go find a girl friend to bore with the shitty details of your day, or I will invent a time machine, go back in time, and kill Alexander Graham Bell.

I went on a few dates with a 30 year old woman. I honestly had no idea girls could be this aggressive. We went to a Yankee game on our second date, and she spent the entire time asking me about what neighborhoods are good to raise children in. "I want to have kids in the next year, and I think you'd make a great father." were the next words out of her mouth. I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. Obviously, that wasn't the response she was looking for.

Never heard from her again. Haha.

Iron Man

I love Superhero movies. Actually, I love the idea of them. I've been reading comics since I was around 10 or so, so the idea of seeing these characters in a realistic (yes, I am aware that they aren't very) light is amazing.

There is just one problem. Most of them have sucked donkey rectum. Let's compile a list shall we?

Tim Burton's Batman - Eh
Batman Returns - Sucked
Batman Forever & Batman & Robin - Do I really even need to say anything?
X- Men - Ok
X2 - Awesome
X3 - Garbage
Spider-man - Good
Spider-man 2 - Ok
Spider-man 3 - Dog Vomit
Sin City - Amazing
Hellboy - Good
Batman Begins - Best DC movie

I could go on, but this is about Iron Man.

It was amazing.

Go see it.


(Really, this was going to be an actual review, but I'm fucking lazy.)

The L Train

Sucks. I have to take it every morning to work, and if I hear "We are delayed due to train traffic ahead of us" one more time I'm going to explode.

Something for women to keep in mind....

If the man you are dating never wants to fuck you, one of two things is going on

1) There is something wrong with you.
2) He's cheating on you.


Men always want to have sex, it's just our nature. If suddenly he stops fucking you, something is up.

The Phone

I hate talking on the phone. It's annoying and pointless with the invention of shit like text messages.

This girl I drunkenly fucked doesn't seem to get it. She likes to call me before bed, I made the mistake of answering once and now she expects it every night.

Last night, she called 5 times in one hour, after I calmly explained I hate talking on the phone.

I shut my ringer off, because seriously, who wants to deal with that shit.

And she didn't talk to me today, so it looks like my tactic of "ignore and it will go the fuck away" still works.

The Truth

There are 5 reasons why men are scum and women let us get away with it.
1. We all only want one thing. No exceptions.
2. We fall in love before we get that one thing, and fall out of love after we get it. Conversely, women fall in love after.
3. We will lie, cheat, steal or murder to get that one thing. Why am I sugarcoating this? You're a big girl. To fuck you.
4. We freely admit 1 through 3 and women don't care.
5. the last reason why men are scum and women don't care: You can't live without us.

24 hours.

In the past 24 hours I have seen 3 people that look like Sweetums


Thanks for that AC.

I have a quick gripe.

The place I work sucks toy poodle browneye.

But the main thing that bugs me is the giant bitch that sits behind me. I'm fairly sure she is the reason I got ratted on for not doing work, while im at work (so what im lazy). I dont even think its the fact she sold me out worse than John Dillengers girlfriend except the fact that I didnt get shot and murdered that bugs me...its how she fucking looks.

If I had to describe her it would be:


If Sweetums from the muppets and Scooter from the muppets had a hot sweaty night of puppet romance...it would be this chick. No joke, she is also about 6'8.

+

=

Edit: I got a sigting of the beast!

Getting Things Started.

Welcome to Chacabast, if you don't already know what Chacabast is you never will know, so stop asking. This is basically going to be used as a way to entertain Sack and myself while degrading everyone else around us, if you don't like it, I hear another celebrity is pregnant, go read about that in OK! magazine.com until your period passes by. Meanwhile, let me give you an idea of what you will be staring at every week here at Chacabast:

• A weekly shitty video by both Sack and I edited horribly by iMovie.
• A monthly review of a video game, book, movie, and CD. (too much? tough shit, go masturbate with sandpaper to pictures of Bill O'riley.)
• Daily updates from either Sack or I talking about how awful people are or how just plain fed up we are with the absolute stupidity of the world and the dunces that live in it.
• Possibly more, but we are trying to figure it out. Deal with it.

Lastly, lets get a few things out of the way about Sack and I.

1. We are elitist. What you like sucks, what we like is amazing.
2. We both own Macs.
3. We both have iPhones.
4. We both read comics.
5. We both really love women, but not in the love way. In the sex way.
6. We both own a Wii.

Are we better than you? In short...Yes, yes we are.